Imaginary World of Mine.

While listening to "You Look So Fine" by Garbage, I don't know why it switched me into my imaginary world. I felt the sea beneath my feet and the grains of cold sand biting my skin..."Dear sea", I said, "take me so faraway where I can no longer feel your presence. Drag me down, show me the prettiness of this creation and the unfound treasures; just leave me there"...

Beirut is getting so boring lately although I'm surrounded by awesome people. I have many pending things to do, but I chose to procrastinate. I will graduate this summer then it will be time for me to study for my Masters, but between those two steps, I really want to travel. I need to go on a trip for a few weeks, maybe somewhere around Europe - cause that's where my vision takes me every time.

I always wonder why I always see myself walking through Europe, and I really don't understand it... Who would like to join me on a trip this summer?? :)

I'm Wicked and I'm Laaaazy!

Waking up yesterday at 3h00pm (so I had slept 14 hours in total) really felt good. I woke up so lazy that I wanted to fall asleep again, and I felt like I could do that forever....

As the days pass by, I am lacking of interest in everything around me. I can feel everybody's problems, and I know that without them life would be so boring. But when I see the misery of my closest people I ask myself why should we procreate? Is it to bring more sorrow into this life?

Last time I had a chat with a friend and we had the same thoughts: "our planet is now suffering because we mistreated it, and bringing new babies will make them miserable. Where will they play? What will they eat? What about the air they will breathe?..." We also thought that our instinct of becoming mothers is too strong; we dream of having our own children one day but we will always hesitate.

Going back to the topic of being lazy which is just a good and bad feeling. It is good cause we are relaxed, and we don't care about what is going on around us, and the bad side is the fact that it becomes so addictive. Being lazy can be the effect of not having something to do to keep us busy or lacking interest about everything. In my case, I am sure that it is a temporary thing until I find something that I would really like to do.

I finally managed to wake up today and be more productive. I am now sitting in the kitchen while typing this note, looking into the light blue Mediterranean Sea knowing that it is a new day nicely painted with colors and little white clouds rising above...

*Song of the day:

Lazy by David Byrne

I'm Lazy when I'm loving
I'm Lazy when I play
I'm lazy with my girlfriend, a thousand times a day
I'm lazy when I'm speakin
I'm lazy when I walk
I'm lazy when I'm dancin
I'm lazy when I talk

Open up my mouth
Air comes rushin out
Nothin doin nada never how you like me now?
Wouldn't it be mad, wouldn't it be fine
Lazy lucky lady dancin lovin all the time

Ohh , I'm wicked and I'm lazy
Ohh, Don't you want to save me?

I'm lazy, lazy, lazy, lazy

There's some folks they got money &
Some folks life is sweet
Some folks make decisions &
Some folks clean the street

Now, Imagine what it feels like
Imagine how it sounds
Imagine life is perfect and every thing works out

No tears are falling from my eyes
I'm keepin all the pain inside
Now don't you want to live with me?
I'm lazy as a man can be

Ohh , I'm wicked and I'm lazy
Ohh, Don't you want to save me

I'm lazy, lazy, lazy, lazy

Imagine there's a girlfriend
Imagine there's a job
Imagine there's an answer
Imagine there's a God
Imagine I'm a Devil
Imagine I'm a Saint
Lazy money, lazy sexy, lazy outa space

No tears are falling from my eyes
I'm keepin all the pain inside
Now don't you want to live with me?
I'm lazy as a man can be

Ohh , I'm wicked and I'm lazy
Ohh, Don't you want to save me

Lazy when I work
Lazy all the day
Screamin all you like but it only fades away
I'm lazy when I'm prayin
Lazy on the job
Gota lazy mind, a lazy eye, a lazy lazy bod

Hard men, Hard Lives, Hard keepin it all inside
Good times, Good God, I'm so Lazy I almost stop

Ohh , I'm wicked and I'm lazy
Ohh, Don't you want to save me

I'm lazy, lazy, lazy, lazy

Ohh , I'm wicked and I'm lazy
Ohh, Don't you want to save me!

Religion?

What is religion? For me, it is something that people have created so that they could be divided, or to cause unlimited conflicts. In Lebanon, I really don't understand why some people are still so closed minded and classify one another because of religion. I just can't understand why there is so much hate between people sharing the same nation. How can we progress and live in peace when we still ask about our neighbor's beliefs?

This issue is affecting me so much lately, when at some point I thought that we lived in a beautiful world. I can't believe that under one roof there can still be many issues starting from religion. I heard my parents whispering "oh does Samira have friends from another religion? etc..." And that literally broke my heart because they're being very judgmental.

I sometimes forget to ask my friends about their religious views, maybe because I just care about them as people and not as what or where they belong to. But there is one thing for sure, I prefer being around people that consider themselves as "citizens of the world" which has no boundaries and where only love and respect exist.

I really hope that I will still be alive when Lebanese people stop classifying each other and concentrate on solidarity. Despite all this, I'm glad that I keep meeting people that think the same way, which means that the mentality change is already taking place.

"You may say I'm a dreamer, but I'm not the only one" - John Lennon.

Oh It's Such A Perfect Day!

A song that has been playing on my mind today is "Perfect Day" by Lou Reed. I've been longing for some time to have that perfect day, when I can go "drink sangria in a park, feed animals in the zoo, then later a movie too..." as it is mentioned in this song.

Due to the fact that I live in the city, and I somehow like it, I feel in need to get away from the pollution of urbanization and the noise that it causes. I think it's time for me to go and spend some quality time alone in the mountains and recharge my lungs with oxygen, walk around while listening to the birds and the frogs singing. I want to pick up an apple right from the tree, drink from the source, and run between the trees while getting lost in the forest...

I want to go, runaway, and get lost with my dear friend Solitude.

Here is the song that has been stuck in my head all day long:

Just a perfect day
drink sangria in a park
and then later
when it gets dark we go home
Just a perfect day
feed animals in the zoo
then later a movie, too
and then home

Oh it's such a perfect day
I'm glad I spend it with you
oh such a perfect day you just keep me hangin on
you just keep me hangin on

just a perfect day
problems all left alone
Weekenders on our own
it's such fun
just a perfect day
you make me forget myself
I thought I was someone else
someone good

You're going to reap just what you sow

The Need To Write.

For the past two days I have been feeling a weird energy and an urge to write. Maybe I am encouraged by Meedo because he has just launched his blog :)

A few years ago, I used to write in French on a notebook, and I would tear every page apart and throw it away. My favorite teacher at school encouraged me to write (of course in French), and I remember her telling me that "it will make me grow". But I never really understood what she meant until recently. I really miss writing in French and I love that language, but it is very frustrating to type it on the keyboard!

Right now I am allowing myself to travel through my thoughts and what I see is a vision of Rue Monot and I don't know why (this happens to me a lot). I see myself wandering through that street during the day looking for "A Teacher". At this point in my life, I really feel the need to learn from a wise person a little bit of everything. I am very sure that I am capable of doing many things, but what is missing is orientation.

Discovering my "Gifts" is what matters to me at the moment. Maybe writing, is not among them, but I will make sure to write about them once I figure them out!

The Change Opener.

One of my favorite quotes is by Katharine Butler Hathaway that goes: "A person needs at intervals to separate from family and companions and go to new places. One must go without familiars in order to be open to influences, to change". This quote made me understand that being stubborn and hanging on to some ideas may lead to stagnation. So no change means no progress.

When the river flows its water changes, life is created, and golden lines of light shine on its surface.

On a warm August eve in 2009, I met Meedo, a man that changed my life when I saw his soul shining like crystal and reflecting wisdom into mine. On that night I remember telling my best friend Hala: "Did you see that man wearing glasses and carrying his camera in a protected case? Well I just know that all I want is to be with him". Fortunately, that is what happened. Then I prayed so I could be able to change his life and mine for the best with love.

On January 2010, Meedo decided to go on a trip to India with one of his best friends called Corinne. They stayed in Kerala - South of India - at an Ashram for one month. All I can say is that Meedo left Lebanon knowing that he was ready to open for changes. When he got back all I could see was the biggest smile he ever had. He started to tell me some stories about his life changing trip and about the great time he spent there while meeting new people, chanting, meditating, learning yoga, taking pictures, reading and so many other activities...

From this short story I can refer once again to Hathaway's quote and understand that we all need to get away from our daily routine and meet new faces so we could change our perceptions, bring new ideas, and take new challenges so we could have new goals to reach. Looking into the real world from the outside can help us see our weaknesses in it and that can be an opportunity to make us grow stronger.

The above picture was taken by Meedo in New Orleans. It shows how similar we are to this window: it can be opened or closed depending on the season. Its blurry reflections could change depending the light, people who walk by might not see it, some others might see it and be indifferent, as others might stop and think of how beautiful it is...

For me it is easier to analyse other people's experiences rather than mine, so I try to learn from them. All these stories made me realize that nobody can change you except yourself.

A Passion For...

I was just thinking that what distinguishes people is their passion about something. Some people are passionate about art, others about science, and some about history or travelling, etc... What is my passion? Is what we are passionate about attractive to other people?

A part of my attraction to others is mainly for what they are passionate about. This may be a way to judge them or to find if they are interesting or boring, courageous or cowards... These people can give us some new ideas that may change our life by killing boredom.

Passion creates to them an aura. I met a person that I think is great. He has a passion for writing notes and he is brilliant which is why passion needs a talent to be completed. I also met a person who is fond of photography, and the pictures he takes are more than amazing. He worked on every single photo to make it look different, genuine. I have met a girl that is passionate about clubbing, and her whole life stands on that. In this case, passion started to become a vice. She cannot live without clubbing every single night to the point where she becomes very depressed if she missed. Her friend is passionate about clothes. She has a great style and is always coming up with something new to wear, but again, there she is stuck in a vicious circle to become a shopaholic...

Since I was a kid, I was always passionate about cameras. I had my first camera when I was eight years old, and I still remember very well that my mother gave me 20,000 Ecuadorian Sucres at that time to buy it. The color of that camera was pink and it really did work! I think that was my first passion. I am still fond of photography and I try to take the best pictures although I hope that one day I would be able to afford a professional camera!

Now, I am passionate about many things other than photography. A very good friend of mine who is French, Thierry, introduced me to the passion of travelling. Because of him I love being in new countries. Meeting new people, getting introduced to new cultures, walking on old streets, watching sunsets and sunrises, feeling the heat or getting cold which are never the same in any other country... I am waiting to see if life will be hiding for me a new passion so I can grow with it...